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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

J is adorable if hes not singing songs with me or making the funniest faces in the mirror while i rive he is reading books and he really passes each page and since he loves animals he makes the animal sound as he passes the page.... hes super entertaining!!

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written at ♥
10:40 PM;

Happy anniversary to me lol
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Its been exactly one year (well and some hours to be exact) since he officially broke up with me after our millions of times angry breaking up and going back out the next day lol. after this hed always be hot or cold about being with us i still dont know why or what made him feel which way and why it would change with no warning
I can remember i was talking to him about how wed just gone to take js three month pics and just like that he told me had talked to some uncle who was all into god and gave him advice and he told me i wasnt trying hard enough that he wasnt doing long distance and that i didnt call anymore. Well id like to tell that uncle fuck u from the bottom of my heart. Lol ps where did this uncle come from id never even heard of him. He didnt even know me.
its so sad i remember this date its also very wierd that he txt me hey today and we talked like it was normal but i doubt he remembers or even thinks anything of it. He didnt remember our going out anniversary eVer.

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written at ♥
9:36 PM;

Look who's walking!!!!!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
I couldn't be more proud of j!!!!! He's been walking much more and he'd do some solitos in verizon but today he officially walked all by himself!!! Ms shirley said any time now and ms judy had said if we push him that he do it this weekend and he did but the best part is that he knows he did it!!!! he has a huge smile and he claps for himself omg im so proud and so happy! It was funny too bc he was so sleepy and went upstairs with tio ba and abuelita to shower. When they got him to walk he didn't want to stop lol. David has taught him to clap and now to walk i knew he would bc j loves him so much and copies him in almost everything

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written at ♥
10:16 PM;

I'm so Proud of him :-)
He'S eating by himself. Making a mess but doing it on his own!

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written at ♥
9:34 AM;

Emotions or whatever suck!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Ok so when i get sad i think a lot so much that it bothers my sleep. But the problem is that i always dwell on things that make me unhappy. Things that make me sad then i mentally self mutilate myself just reminding myself of everything thats bad and horrible. But i don't know how to turn my mind off i don't know how to give myself any confidence any positive self esteem then i tend to curry myself deeper by hating me my body my personality my life everything except for jayden i isolate myself from people from surroundings from even just leaving my house. Its been those type of days lately. I know hate is a strong word but i hate me i hate my life. It'll pass i know it will till then i just hope i dry out so i can never cry again one day.

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written at ♥
9:46 PM;

Interesting
Monday, September 1, 2008
J did the coolest thing at least it is to me. Yesterday we were watching home videos and it was him riding his tonka truck. He goes away from the living room and by himself pulls out his truck and manuvers it to the living room and proceeds to play with it and says nothing to us. Idk maybe u just had to be there. Then this morning we are sitting together watching the lion king which i was excited about bc i saw that while pregnant and he kicked like crazy! Anyway so i'm wearing a gator shirt, j points at the gator like always except this time he gets off the couch cruises and crawls over to his toy shelfish and gets albert and starts pointing at his head. He then rips it apart and tries to put it together but thats a different story. Lastly tonight david gives him an old Bulls pencil and he grips it tight then i play on you tube the old bulls intro music back when they had pippen and
jordan and he keeps pointing at the computer and accu at the pencil. Its retarded but its neat to me

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written at ♥
9:28 PM;