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lmao
Monday, January 5, 2009

idk. i think we like arguing, lol. its always the same shit "u did i did" bullshit, lol. for the past two f-ing years! like for real. its time to get a new hobby =}

on a side note. im glad to be out of gainesville. like for real... i cant believe u let me down. if u saw my face ud know the disappointment i feel right now. like dude. i never ever thought u'd do that out of all people. like damn. idk. i guess its for caring too much, that i let it get to me. when i found out about the other bro and what he did i was like omg and had a headache for like 2 days and whenever i thought about it. but now im like damn wtf is everyone thinking up there. idont even know.

heres another reason to be thankful for J. bc i live for him more or less, ive been able to not get into a meaningless relationship again, which means no new "kidney infection" like my bro jokes, and no more putting my goals on hold.

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written at ♥
11:18 PM;

reflection
Friday, January 2, 2009
this yr was full of ups and downs.

things i loved and happy about:
1. Jayden growing and developing so much. He's talking and Walking and Running, and dancing and singing and I've been so blessed, hes so sweet, and so smart, and so loving! idk. I'm glad hes the way he is, he makes everything no matter how tough or how much im not feeling this situation, he makes everything even a little better!
2. Realizing like the dumbass I am, that the family I have always wanted was right in front of me and that I took them for granted! This year its all about us and being there for each other and just me trying hard to be a great daughter, sister and mother!
3. working with 3 yr olds! They are a lot of fun. and I truly enjoy seeing them learn and think its so cool!
4. web calls! as lame as it is, its so cool to be able to actually talk to my family. So far we've done it with Jackie, Nestor and his fam, my grandparents (dad), and Mongo (although it was 1-way)
5. Medellin Restaurant... we're going to be positive and our dreams are coming together to make the BEST Colombian Fusion Cusine!
6. My friends that I still keep in touch with (no particular order). Gillian (going to isreal soon, as if doing her Masters wasnt fantastic enough, now shes going to try to get her PhD), Nati (finally finding someone who treats her right and doing big things in school!), Tanuska (although things have been hard, shes not given up and kept the faith! things must go up for them!!! and she moved down to miami and I FINALLY was able to visit) Mike (doing big things being a daddy! It was Marley's birth and his first everythings! Although he told me hes going through Drama. Thats what Gville is all about. its like highschool bc everyone knows each other. GET OUT of that city!) David (still in school, going strong and working, and im glad i get to see him every little chance we get. he's like my little reminder of normalcy) Allison (so she ended up not coming down to MIA, but shes starting school in Daytona!!) Papa Frita! (though in Otown i still have tons of love for her! i miss her greatly. shes one of those friends taht can tell whats the deal and instead of like inquiring, shes more like f-it, lets party and makes me smile, lol) Em and Dora (totally miss these girls, weve gotten apart a lot! sucks, but we gotta do something bout that in 09. no matter what though, they my ride or die!) Lots of aquaintances graduated, are doing the grown thing moving around the US (secretly im jealous, i wont lie. i'd love to be anywhere near done so my mama can be proud! and hell, so i can be proud too)
7. Excuse my french. but being done with the bullshit!!! theres nothing better, than knowing! i'm free and although it may be hard, im going to do me and live my life with my son how i want it =} i dont care if im alone forever but ill take that over ur games anytime mr. sperm donor, lol.
and for the best
8. My momma dukes... strongest woman ever! best mother ever! great friend! can read me almost best. but by far the most wonderful grandmother!!! I love u mami! ni tengo palabras para describirte y nuestra relacion. we fight and argue like no other, but i dont think i could love u more!!!! y lo siento por las mil veces que te trato mal. no lo mereces!
9. My pa. a kid at heart. a loving father (i dont get too many i loves u from him, but he shows it with our inside jokes, lol)Makes the best lunches for me and J! and has a wonderful grandpa/grandson relationship which is awesome to look at and something which they totally only understand b/w them, lol. I know the restaurant will go well. bc just like hes a great man. hhes an even greater and harder worker!!!
10. BA!!!!!!!!!!!! ILOVE U LIKE CRAZY bro! without u, id probably be God knows where! my rock, u keep me up ur just great i cnat even explain. and if its not enough with u loving me tons and being a super brother. ur uncle/godfather skills are freaking out of this world. I get jealous when J is crying or when he wakes up, going BA! lol. He loves u so much! and u him. its insane! i love u tons, even when u teach him PING!!! with the christmas tree lol.


ok, so now on to things that are going to get better... hopefully!
1. guys... they are so lame. i dont have time for lame excuses. Un mentiroso cae mas rapido que un cojo, and its tru. dont waste ur time on lies. i decided, i need someone collected and preferably latino =} and having their life somewhat straight, with goals and aspirations! preferably with a tan and one that likes to wear cologne and dress nice, lol.
2. work... pay sucks. i gotta do something about that. im taking a course so hopefully i can get a better raise... but we'll see whats up! if not, i gotta leave!
3. school... IT NEEDS TO BECOME A PRIORITY! even if i gotta beg or go up and reak havic on people i need to get this on point!!!!! i dont even care anymore what major, what school or nothing. somethings gotta give!
4. me! in general i need to start loving and dealing with what i got and do something about what i dont like. forget others. its about me and my loved ones.
5. stop torturing myself w/ curiosity. be done w/ it!!! lol. yeah like that'll happen my chismosa self! w/e ill stop caring or wasting my time, lol.

anyways... its so past my bed time!!! lol.

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written at ♥
12:42 AM;